Santa Claus: Dirty Old Man

Leah figured out at something about Santa Claus at age four that I hadn't realized until I was in my twenties.

To most kids, Santa Claus is an awesome guy who brings you presents. Not to me. When I was about 4 years old and realized that the Christmas song lyrics said, "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake," I realized that Santa was a Peeping Tom who spied on me at night. I made my mom put blankets over my bedroom window (the sheer curtains didn't provide enough protection) so that Santa wouldn't come watch me while I was sleeping. And nothing they said would make me believe any differently.

When Santa came to my preschool, I wouldn't go near him at all. I thought how stupid these other kids were for sitting on the perv's lap! Didn't they know that he spied on them while they were sleeping?

I have no idea why my parents didn't just tell me then that he wasn't real. It would've made Christmastime much easier for me.

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