A few bad thoughts about sex from the Anonymous bin:

I used to think “oral sex” meant talking dirty…

In 1st grade my friend told me that sex is when a boy and girl take all of their clothes off and kiss each other. I believed that false truth until 3rd grade too.

From an anonymous submitter:

I used to think girls peed out of their butts until I found out about vaginas which was probably around third grade.

I’m pretty sure girls pee from their urethra, but at least you’re getting closer!

A mysterious stranger shares their version of what it was like to think that humans get pregnant via kissing.

Up until 6th grade, I had a very wrong idea of how babies were born. See, when I was only five, a boy kissed me right in front of my mom. The next morning, my parents told me that I have to marry him now that he kissed me. From this, I derived the conclusion that this boy got me pregnant by kissing me, and that it’s not proper to be pregnant and unmarried.

Later on in my short childhood, I saw a video of how an egg is fertilized. The sperm touches the egg, etc. etc. And from this bloomed my incredibly off idea that when I kiss a boy, his sperm goes down my esophagus and gets to my egg, which is in my stomach. Ten the baby grows up in my stomach eating my food until he is ready and is excreted through my anus.

When a boy at school finally told me how babies are really born, I told him he’s wrong, and proceeded to explain to him how babies are really really born (in my opinion, at the time.)

Even more amazing than the last time the ‘Kissing makes me pregnant’ scenario came up.

Ruthie from Wisconsin raises the bar while learning how humans reproduce:

The household I was raised in was very religious, so I was quite lacking in education about the birds and the bees.

In my teen years when I had my first boyfriend, this resulted in my believing that I was pregnant the first time he kissed me. It went so far that I even wore loose fitting cloths for a period of time after he kissed me so that no one would notice when I started to show.

I now have three children and a grandchild of my own, so I think I managed to figure out the proper way to reproduce since that kiss.

K. Praslowicz dabbles with self-vampirism to save his own life:

One afternoon when I was about seven or eight I approached my friend Dan & Jon on the playground as they were in the middle of a conversation about dying from blood loss. Up until this point I had no clue about the role of blood in keeping a person alive, so this new fact that I learned about blood loss being causing death was astonishing, and scared me real bad.

Why would such a fact terrify a young boy you say? Well, my child mind didn’t quite get the facts straight. I had taken it that the loss of a single drop of blood meant instant death. Jonathon cleared this confusion up a bit and informed me that a single drop off blood wouldn’t cause me to die, but perhaps a small jar full of blood lost would do me in.

This new fact was often on my mind for a while, and eventually came to a head one day when my nose started bleeding of the blue. Fearful of dying from blood loss, I grabbed a small plastic Tupperware container and let my nose bleed into it.

The Tupperware container now became perverse backwards hourglass that held all of my attention as I dripped closer and closer to imminent death from blood loss. How big was the death jar was Jonathan talking about? Was it half the size of the one I had? Was it larger? I figured that I wouldn’t know until it was too late, and that was unacceptable.

Unfamiliar with the workings of human digestive and circulatory systems, the most rational thing I could come up with while holding a small jar of my blood to save my life was that if the blood didn’t remain outside of my body, I wouldn’t die from losing it.

Bottoms up!