I Used To Be Stupid » Health

The Flat Kid

I Used To Be Stupid — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 16:06:13 +0000

Flatty attempts to get flat.

I got this brilliant idea as a child from watching cartoons. I thought that if I was smashed between too hard objects, I would be flat. So I convinced my two even younger siblings to push the open bedroom door against the wall as hard as they could while I was between the door and the wall. When this did not make me flat, I had them put the plywood sandbox cover on top of me then jump up and down. All that was flattened was my poor broken nose. I know my mom called me stupid more than once on that trip to the emergency room.

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Bleached Lips

I Used To Be Stupid — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 17:42:11 +0000

When I was younger I was fascinated by make-up especially since my mom didn't wear any. My friend and I used to sneak her mother's lipstick. We got caught a few too many times and since we were really to young to be wearing it she told us a line about how lipstick bleached your lips out leaving them colorless, thus requiring more lipstick to keep up the illusion. The line was believable since the woman had pale lifeless lips (I had seen them). I swore off lipstick until high school as a result!

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Breath Limit

I Used To Be Stupid — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:07:51 +0000

I used to believe that everyone had a certain number of breaths they could take, and you would die when you had taken your allotted number of breaths. Therefore, several times a day I would hold my breath for about thirty seconds thinking that if I did this often, I could add years on to my life!

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Toilet Baby, Arise!

I Used To Be Stupid — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 12:07:32 +0000

I was told very young that the penis fertilizes the egg, and the mixing that occurs afterward produces a baby.

My father told me this as he was urinating. So I see him peeing, figure he was "fertilizing" (like watering a garden) and mom must have peed in there before him, so they could mix it up in the toilet bowl.

I have no explanation as to how the baby would have looked arising from the toilet, but that's how I thought babies were made.

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Alcohol in the bloodstream

I Used To Be Stupid — Sat, 03 Jul 2010 23:15:30 +0000

When I was a kid I overheard a discussion about how Blood Alcohol Content meters worked. Something about alcohol staying in the bloodstream after it was drunk.

For the longest time I believed that alcohol just accumulated in the body, never going away.

I didn't drink until I was past twenty because of this.

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Two Tales of Reproduction

I Used To Be Stupid — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 17:46:28 +0000

Elise shares two tales about Ye Olde Lady Parts:

I used to believe that when a women received her period she had it for the rest of her life, constantly bleeding non-stop.

and...

I also believed that God decided when a women was to have a baby and that sex didn't exist.

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Makeshift Corset

I Used To Be Stupid — Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:14:40 +0000

Lillian unlocks the secret to the perfect female-hourglass body:

When I was younger I admired the curvy hourglass shapes of cartoon heroines and movie stars. I had also seen corsets used to create said shape on cartoons and decided that this was how it was achieved.

Since I didn't have a corset I made-do with a very tight belt! I slept in one for months which just happened to coincide with the onset of puberty—so to all appearances it worked! I achieved an hourglass shape with nothing but months of terrible sleep! My friend who also tried my experiment did not fare so well!

It was only years later that I realized that nature had more to do with my shape than any belt.

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The Friend With Robot Fingers

Deodorant Paranoia

I Used To Be Stupid — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 18:08:24 +0000

Andrew has a fear of smelling like an old lady:

When I was beginning to hit puberty & realized I smelled bad, my goal was to use antiperspirant deodorant so I wouldn't be able to sweat at all. My parents, who pick & choose at random what is healthy & what isn't, decided that they didn't want me to use it because of the aluminum that comes in most brands. Being twelve & kind of a brat, I refused to listen to them. Finally, my dad told me that since it blocks the sweat from coming out of your armpits that it would make you pee more.

Regardless of this information & because my parents refused to buy any for me, I just used my grandmother's antiperspirant instead. Then I began to believe that I was peeing more than normal. And I smelled like an old lady.

I stopped using it after a while because I figured it would be better to sweat than to pee a ridiculous amount (& smell like an old lady). It wasn't until a few years later I made a comment in passing to my dad about that incident & was set straight. My dad also told me he didn't think I actually believed him. He obviously doesn't know me very well.

Post Image: H Dragon

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Bloody Punctuation

I Used To Be Stupid — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 13:47:07 +0000

I used to think that a menstrual period's name came from the fact it resembled a punctuation period—just a little dot that showed up once a month.

I thought this up until a fateful day at age eleven when I woke up with my gift and promptly went off to school worry-free wearing white shorts.

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How Boy Babies Aren't Made

I Used To Be Stupid — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 23:51:17 +0000

When I was a young child I believed that women had girl babies and men had boy babies.

I believed this until I was around seven years old when a friend of the family became pregnant with a boy. I was so confused by seeing the woman with the pregnant belly that I exclaimed, "I thought you were having a boy baby but John's not pregnant at all!"

Yeah, I got allot of confused looks and tons of laughter directed at me.

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